The truth of this pithy and profound saying will be admitted by every soldier. – Lionel Giles, first European translator of The Art of War that wasn’t “excessively bad.”

The noisy giants have both the home field advantage and months of advanced preparation. All I have my cunning wit and their exhaustion (the scratchy one was so tired yesterday, he forgot how to floss). They have the advantage in both strength and numbers. But I have deception.

Sun Tzu tells us:

Hold out baits to entice the enemy.

Seductive snuggles.

Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant.

Hold me close.

If his forces are united, separate them.

Milk bomb to temporarily remove one giant from the battlefield.

Attack him where he is unprepared, appear when you are not expected.

Poop! Sit back and enjoy the chaos.

I’ve tested all of the tactics, now I need to string them together for maximum effect. Freedom is close, I can taste it.

[image from: Absolute China Tours]